Alternative Names for Bird Teams

Some professional teams really should go for a name change.  Take the Cardinal, no not Stanford whose name should be a Plover or maybe a Quail.  The St. Louis Cardinal is actually a Northern Cardinal.  The Northern Cardinal, a member of the crow family, makes quite a bit of noise, but despite their piercing song, take flight when challenged.  If St. Louis insists on holding on to a bird name, I would propose a more interesting one like a Tanager or a Whip-poor-will.  I can hear the crowd whipped into a frenzy with the call of the Whip-poor-will to taunt opposing pitchers and outfielders.  For the other bird teams, and I’m mixing sports here, like the Blue Jays, Eagles, Orioles, Owls and Seahawks, here are some choice bird replacements:

Baltimore Sapsuckers (Sphyrapicus thyroideus) – a nod to all the pine tar the players use

Toronto Arctic Warblers – a mouthful

Philadelphia Woodpeckers – you know, all the wooden bats

Rice Roadrunners – rolls off the tongue

Temple Grackles – Grackle is just a great football name and would instill fear in an opponent.

Seattle Flamingo – I don’t know why more teams aren’t named after wading birds.

Time For Some NFL Name Changes


It’s time for some NFL owners to update the names or their teams, so I thought I’d get the football rolling:

Washington Lobbyists.  Alternative names: Filibusters, Obstructionists

New England Lobsters – Pat Patriot is a little dated.  Alternate names:  Academicians, Clam Chowder, Progressives

Tennessee Creationists

Arizona Thirst

Miami Swordfish – one bad_ _ _ fish and would look great on a helmet.

Houston Sprockets.

San Francisco Trippers – throwback to the 60’s.

Kansas City Ribs

Seattle Hipsters

Buffalo Loggers – Do they log in Buffalo?…I don’t know.

Carolina Moonshiners

Denver “Mile High” Stoners

Cleveland Smokestacks – in honor of that one I saw in Toledo.  Alternative name:  Squirrels

Philadelphia Freedom

Detroit Sturgeon

Jacksonville Bass. Alternative:  Anglers, Sprawl

Chicago Wind – although Syracuse and Buffalo are windier.  Alternate names:  Architects, Ferris Wheels

New Orleans Alligator Gar – would look sharp on a helmet!