EU Bans Gender Titles

Is this taking PC to the extreme?  I generally support gender neutral language for job positions.  Workers, for workman – wait staff as opposed to waitress.  Flight Attendant – how long has it been since you’ve heard stewardess?  But the EU Parliament has outlawed gender based titles considered offensive and has published a “Gender-Neutral Language” pamphlet, which I would love to get my hands on.   Miss and Mrs. are out along with Madame and Mademoiselle.  I would presume Mr. and Sir are considered offensive too.  Will the Queen lose her title? And the knighted, what happens to them? Well, let’s follow the EU down that slippery slope, shall we?

Ok, first, if you ban a title, you have to replace it with something.  How about You for starters when you don’t know someone.  Hey You.  Excuse me You.   You, you dropped your glove.

Hey you, standing in the road
Always doing what you’re told,
Can you help me? – Pink Floyd

What’s next.   Let’s see.  Oh, gender pronouns.  This would work well for babies.  How many times have you seen a baby and not known whether it was a girl or boy.   So instead of risking embarrassment and getting the gender  wrong –  “he is so adorable” (when it’s a she) or vice versa,  just refer to the baby as it.  “It’s so cute.”  Or  “that is so cute.”  Or “nice baby you got there.”  And thing works too, especially for twins –   Twin girls or boys could be Thing 1 and Thing 2, a Dr. Seuss suggestion from the 60’s.

And names are suspect too.  But there are some solutions.  If you are a Patrick or Patricia, you’d have to be known as Pat in public.  Remember Pat from Saturday Night Live?  What was Pat in the end?  Did we ever find out?  If you are a Robert, Roberto or Roberta, you’d need to adopt the moniker Ro.  Barbara and Bart, how does Ba sound? Madison is out – you know the son at the end won’t do.  And Madi is too feminine.  So Madison, it’s Mad, from here on out. And I’m afraid last names with gender markers will need some tweaking too.  Goodman, Workman, Hoffman, Johnson – would change to Good, Work, Hoff and Johnson, Johnson is a tough one.  You can’t say John, or Jo; I guess all you Johnsons will have to go by J.

There are so many gender specific first names that I guess folks in the EU will just have to go by their initials, like being in a Kafka novel.  This works unless of course your initials are MR, MRS, MAM, MAN, MOM, MME, DAD.  You’d have to drop one of the letters.  MME, could just be ME.

What’s your name you?

ME.

Yes, You.

It’s ME.

Hello, it’s me
I’ve thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something’s wrong
There’s something here that doesn’t last too long
Maybe I shouldn’t think of you as mine – Todd Rundgren

There are some gender neutral names that are good to go.  Robin, Stacy, Jess, Kim and wasn’t there a boy named Sue?