I was trying to read the lineup of shows on TV from the menu of our cable service without my glasses. I felt like I was taking one of those vision tests. I proudly boasted that I could read a blurry row near the bottom of the chart and when called upon to do so, mumbled out random letters and numbers with the word possibly thrown in only to have the doctor request that I try to read again but this time three rows up.
As I squinted at the TV program menu, I thought the networks and stations had just gone live with their new lineup of shows, some that sounded intriguing. I don’t watch much TV generally, but these new shows had me dreaming of early retirement:
This must be a Russian version of CSI.
They are all unrelated, as it turns out.
The Big Bong
With the legalization of marijuana, this new series comes as no surprise.
I guess Moonshiners has run its course.
This sarcastic comedy is about a group of hateful friends.
Monsters in my Barn
This might be a spinoff of Monsters in my Barn or one of those shows like Gator Boys.
I toggled down quickly as I figured this was an addictive infomercial about a revolutionary grill.
America can do mustard too just as good as the French.
I thought this might be something like an SNL spoof on Impractical Jokers but then again it could be about what the rich and famous store in lockers in train stations throughout Europe.
I imagine this one to be morning political comedy, not unlike Morning Joe.
…until it gets too hot.
The Last Squid
Based on The Twilight Zone pilot, “Where is Everybody?”
Last In Space
Trump might do better to start a space race, rather than a nuclear arms race.
Make sure the kids are in bed as this steamy series is sure to carry an MA rating.
Anderson Copper 300
If I had to guess, I would say this is a 5-hour infomercial for a new compression product.
This reality shoe about a tire shop in the windy city is sure to be a big hit.
Last Squid Standing
If I had to hazard a guess, I would go with a deep sea, outwit, outlast, survival show with host Squidward from SpongeBob SquarePants.
Little Horse on the Prairie
A homesteader with a pony tries to live the American dream but finds life on the range depressingly difficult.
As Roseanne Roseannadanna might have said, “What’s this I hear about Deep Fried Monsters? Oh, Deep Fried Masters? Nevermind.”
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