Mad Cows Protest

Pablo Picowso 2

If I were a cow, I would be concerned about the latest bill supported by California Governor Jerry Brown which would make it nearly impossible for cows to get antibiotics.  For the record, cows generally don’t like antibiotics and some even refuse the treatment because it upsets their four chambered stomach, especially when its empty.  However, a key source from the bovine world told me that were the Brown proposal fully implemented, and the cows unable to purchase over-the-counter antibiotics, something they have been able to do since the 60’s, yes, without a prescription, they would agitate and it would not be pretty.  Already some leaders of the various Bovine Unions in California have begun to organize stray cows who have taken advantage of their owners free range practices, and disaffected cows who are fed up with electric fences.  Just last week, a group of Holstein Heifers marched and then grazed on the California capital grounds demanding access to a broad spectrum of antibiotics to combat a nasty case of pink eye going around.  One young calf had also complained of not being able to get a bottle of tetracycline to treat his acne. He said the wildflowers he had tried as a home remedy had not helped and had actually made him “quite mad”, which was related to one of the slogans on a two-sided banner that an Angus cow wore like a saddle – MAD COWS = ANGRY DAIRY.  A group of devious beavers provided a constant drumbeat on empty plastic gallons of milk with their paddles in support of the cattle who chanted MOO, MOO, MOO, which sounded like a tractor motor that was trying to start, but wouldn’t.

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to consume angry milk, yogurt with an attitude or crazed cheese. The cows do have a point.  And they are organized!

Bird Strike

The FAA issued a passenger a warning for filming a bird strike.  I didn’t know it was illegal to film a bird strike.  Maybe it interferes with their collective bargaining rights.  These organized and angry birds, like their bovine cousins the mad cows, demand justice.  And what do they want?  For starters, protection from avian flu – they’ve picketed outside the Center for Disease Control demanding a vaccine program for all creatures with beaks and wings.  Secondly, they want a full scale investigation into the death of hundreds of birds that literally fell out of the sky in Arkansas.   Third, they want an immediate end to bird hunting and have petitioned the Game and Fisheries departments in all states to stop issuing waterfowl permits to hunters.

On the local level, the flock in my backyard has launched a campaign for better seeds.  It seems that they did not appreciate the inferior sunflower seeds I put out last spring that sprouted after the first rainstorm.  I didn’t immediately replace them and instead threw out some stale bread which apparently offended the black-capped chickadees.  To take revenge, a band of woodpeckers, I think one of them was the extinct ivory-billed, pecked my favorite beech tree to death.  And a highly coordinated crew of crows swoop down on me every time I leave the house – I am a marked man.  But I’m not the only target.  The jays, both blue and their colleagues the northern cardinal, have relentlessly terrorized my cat, with their loud tweets that I assure you contain more than 140 characters.  Furthermore, to add to the psychological torture, the whippoorwill keeps me up at night with that eerily repetitive taunt. At this point, I’m ready to cave in and buy some premium seeds and maybe even some natural spring water for the bird baths.  I hear they prefer Evian.