Mutant Genes on Casual Friday

Genetic Mutations_Providence RI
You are probably walking around with some mutated jeans and don’t even know it. No, I am not talking about casual Friday, or the latest fashion. It’s genes I mean. Humans are brimming with genetic mutations, or to put it more mildly, flawed genes, even the healthy among us. The gene pool is corrupt. Some of the mutations spell disaster in the form of disease – heart disease, cancer and the like. The interesting point of all of this is that if you wanted to have your DNA analyzed, you could meet your genetic mutations, all 400 of them, which is the average number most of us have. But I’m not sure I want to get to know my bad genes. I don’t need any negativity in my life. I don’t want to deal with any trouble makers. But surely there’s something we can do to get rid of the mutations, no? I drink diet soda and eat cheese dip with Rotel. I’m thinking the jalapenos in the Rotel might take out at least a few of the rogue genes and come on, how many of them can survive in a pool of carbonated artificial sweeteners?

I suppose one day science will find a way to engineer out all the bad genes so that humans can live for a whole lot longer than we do. That of course would put a big strain on the solvency of social security, unless we raised the retirement age to something like 130. And I imagine doctors could design a baby to the specifications of the parent. Wouldn’t that be a sight?  Or a fright!

How To Live To Be 100

Want to taste the fountain of youth?  Would you like to live well into your100’s? Frankly, I’m not sure I’d want to live that long – I’m afraid I’d be way too cranky for my family.  Below is a semi-to-non scientific method for reaching and living into your golden years, though I can’t promise those years will be wrinkle free, but I’m sure some wise scientist is working on some wrinkle free spray for octogenarians.

1.  Drink Wine.  Lots of it…in moderation of course.  Reds preferably.  The more tannic  the wine the better.  Grapes soaked in oak can help you age like an oak tree.   Merlot, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, Tempranillo, are some examples of grapes to look for in your local wine shop or “package” store.  Package store – such a weird name for a place that sells liquor.  Must have something to do with prohibition.

2.  Breathe.  Breathe deep.  Seriously, don’t forget.  And try not to snore.  I don’t think that’s too good for you.

3.  Sleep.  Sleep deep.  Get you some REMs.  And don’t snore.  Not good for you and bad for your spouse or whoever you sleep with.  Cats sometimes attack snoring owners, so if you snore, you should do something about it.  I’m sure there’s some home remedy for snoring, like watching a rerun of I Love Lucy before going to bed, or playing a round of Angry Birds.

4.  Eat right. Laugh and travel before it’s too late.

5.  Don’t fight unless the battle is right.

6.  Wear a helmet.  Just do it, don’t argue.

7.  Sex.  If you’re old enough, and especially if you’re older (but not too old that is, without medical clearance) have it safely and often.  Contrary to what Rick Santorum says, it is ok and may just extend your life.

8.  Exercise, but whatever you do, don’t join a gym, lest you want a severe case of athlete’s foot.  Probably a good place to get the norovirus too or can you only get that on a cruise ship?  Equally bad is that you’ll stop going after the first week and be stuck in a two year contract.

9.  Drink Coffee.  Because you know you can’t live without it.

10.  Listen to music.  After all, music is the rhythm of life.   It is.

Coffee Drinking Supercentenarian Dies at 114

CNN reported that the oldest person in the world passed away last Tuesday at the age of 114.  Brazilian Maria Gomes Valentim was just a few weeks shy of 115.  She said the secret to her longetivity was a healthy diet of bread, fruit, coffee, milk with linseed oil and a glass of wine from time to time.  RIP Maria.

According to the CNN article, there are currently only 90 supercentenarians alive.  These are people aged 110 and over.  I wonder if there are any commonalities in their diets.  I do seem to remember that Jeanne Louise Calment, who died at age 122, favored an occasional glass of wine.  Maybe wine is a common theme.   Just once though, I’d like to read about a supercentenarian who bucked common wisdom and favored the occasional hamburger with fries, ice-cream and pizza.