Honolulu Would Ban Stinky Riders

In Honolulu, the city council will be voting on a bill to ban riders who stink.  Wait, how can they enforce this? Who are the odor police?  The bus drivers?  What if the bus driver forgets to apply deodorant.  Who drives the bus?  The scary thing is that there would be some wacko passenger who’d drive the bus if given the chance and probably do it about as well as the driver with BO.  I’ve often seen idling public buses in my city and have wondered what it would feel like to hop in and just drive the route as if I were an employee of the transit system.  I wonder if any of the regulars on the route would recognize me. Would they say anything?  The funny thing about riding regularly on an urban bus is that I see the same people on it everyday and I know a lot about them just by observation, though I have rarely spoken a word to any of them.  We are a community of riders who observe one another but pretend we don’t notice.  One kid passed some gas once whose mother asked him, “was that you?”, and he burst out in laughter.   What would have happened to him in Honolulu.

And what counts as malodorous?  What about cheap perfume and knockoff cologne?  That stuff reeks.  And certain sweetened hand creams suck the air right out of my lungs as if I’ve been attacked by a death eater from the world of Harry Potter.

And the fast food sack of burgers with supersized fries – that poison is seductively evil – pleasant to some, addictive to others but deadly to all.  Ban the burgs. Ban them along with their trans-fatty fried potato friends.

And ban the bad smelling buses.  There’s nothing like the faint smell of diesel in the morning.  Ironically, the low emission hybrid buses running on CNG smell horrible.  Hey Honolulu, ban green buses because they pass natural gas.

Get on the Bus Honolulu…and ban the bastages.