How To Live To Be 100

Want to taste the fountain of youth?  Would you like to live well into your100’s? Frankly, I’m not sure I’d want to live that long – I’m afraid I’d be way too cranky for my family.  Below is a semi-to-non scientific method for reaching and living into your golden years, though I can’t promise those years will be wrinkle free, but I’m sure some wise scientist is working on some wrinkle free spray for octogenarians.

1.  Drink Wine.  Lots of it…in moderation of course.  Reds preferably.  The more tannic  the wine the better.  Grapes soaked in oak can help you age like an oak tree.   Merlot, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, Tempranillo, are some examples of grapes to look for in your local wine shop or “package” store.  Package store – such a weird name for a place that sells liquor.  Must have something to do with prohibition.

2.  Breathe.  Breathe deep.  Seriously, don’t forget.  And try not to snore.  I don’t think that’s too good for you.

3.  Sleep.  Sleep deep.  Get you some REMs.  And don’t snore.  Not good for you and bad for your spouse or whoever you sleep with.  Cats sometimes attack snoring owners, so if you snore, you should do something about it.  I’m sure there’s some home remedy for snoring, like watching a rerun of I Love Lucy before going to bed, or playing a round of Angry Birds.

4.  Eat right. Laugh and travel before it’s too late.

5.  Don’t fight unless the battle is right.

6.  Wear a helmet.  Just do it, don’t argue.

7.  Sex.  If you’re old enough, and especially if you’re older (but not too old that is, without medical clearance) have it safely and often.  Contrary to what Rick Santorum says, it is ok and may just extend your life.

8.  Exercise, but whatever you do, don’t join a gym, lest you want a severe case of athlete’s foot.  Probably a good place to get the norovirus too or can you only get that on a cruise ship?  Equally bad is that you’ll stop going after the first week and be stuck in a two year contract.

9.  Drink Coffee.  Because you know you can’t live without it.

10.  Listen to music.  After all, music is the rhythm of life.   It is.