Desperate Housewares

I was looking at the TV menu without my glasses and come upon what appeared to be at first glance some interesting new shows:

Desperate Housewares.  Must be a new reality show featuring little used cutlery and dangerous labor saving gadgets.

Stevie Wonder in Ancient Rome.  He really could be the 7th Wonder of the World.  And why not an Ancient Roman Coliseum as a venue?

Cold Case Flies.

QVC’s Big Grits. This really caught my attention because I’m a big fan of cheese grits.  Big Grits, I’m thinking maybe they’ve genetically altered the grain to produce an even grittier grit.  Awesome!

Van Halen.  I didn’t know they were still around, but I would love to hear the modern take on the band.  I wonder who the lead singer is these days, Valerie Bertinelli?  Oh wait, I knew it couldn’t be true, it’s not Van Halen, it’s Van Helsing.

Undercover Bass.  Now this show ought to be interesting.  A man or woman going undercover as a bass.  I’m sure they’d blend right in.  Or maybe an actual bass (you know Big Mouth Billy Bass acutally sings) going undercover to find the whereabouts of the Loch Ness Monster.