Trump is a Chump

from the editorial desk of Ribbie’s weblog

He’s a chump who seems to have no feeling for people who are struggling – ask the people of Puerto Rico, and the dreamers in limbo, and he has utter contempt for immigrants, refugees, journalists, traditional allies of the U.S., and anyone who opposes him including key Republicans like John McCain.  He is not the President of the United States, but rather a cult-like leader of a small group of xenophobes, white nationalists, billionaires, and undereducated right wing zealots who are vulnerable to propaganda.  Many of the 60 or so million who “voted” for him, did so more out of a hatred for Hillary Clinton, a hatred built on the lies of the right wing media (Fox, the Jim Jones conspiracy nut, and Brietbart) with tons of help from the mainstream media who gave Trump a platform early on and here I’m thinking the MSNBC Morning Joe program.  We now know that he got considerable help from his friends in Russia who used Facebook to sow seeds of dissent among Americans who we can now say definitely were duped, had, played.  Jim Comey, former FBI head also played a key role, perhaps unwittingly, in securing Trump’s “victory”. And even with all the help from the outside, from Wikileaks, the Russian back channels, Republican voter suppression tactics and the like, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. The thing is, Trump has no mandate.  He barely won the electoral college and lost the popular vote.  He is supposed to be the president of all of the people and so far he has been the president of a small base of people who have extreme views that are undemocratic and based on unfounded, ginned-up fears and real hatred.

Trump is a Chump because he and his “expert” advisors – like Steven Miller who is anti-immigrant and a known race baiter and was the key architect of the Muslim travel ban, are now targeting the most vulnerable people on earth, desperate women and children escaping the dangers of their home countries.  They come as refugees, seeking asylum and they are now either being turned away at the border as never before, or they are crossing and being detained and separated – 2,342 kids so far have been separated from their parents and are being housed in what can only be described as cells and cages and sleeping with mylar blankets.  This policy is inhumane and unacceptable and has never been the policy of previous administrations.  Trump is doing this and then gaslighting the public by saying he isn’t doing this, that the Democrats have done this, that they refused to negotiate, that he had no choice but to enforce the law, that only Congress can fix, when this is patently untrue. He is lying to you and to me everyday, by the New York Times count, as many as 6 lies a day.  Once we accept a lie as truth, we are done for as a nation.

Trump is a chump because he has manufactured this border crisis to have a bargaining chip to get ungodly amounts of money for a ridiculous, unnecessary Trump wall.  It’s part of his branding fantasy. He wants you to think, look at all these people coming, see, we need a wall.  Wrong.  This strategy was ill-conceived, morally reprehensible and destined to fail.  If anything, people who once feared immigrants are seeing the images of desperate refugees at the border and the deplorable Trump policy of family separation and having a change of heart.  These are the people Trump wants you to believe are rapists, criminals, and gang members.  This is the flood of humanity that Trump claims that these countries are sending us – “their not sending their best”. They are not sending anyone – these refugees are in fact escaping violence and life-threatening poverty.  These are the very people America should help.  And lest you think immigrants (legal and “illegal”) are prone to committing crime once in the U.S., think again.  Statistics show that immigrants are significantly less likely to be incarcerated as a percentage than people born in the U.S.  And they are not taking jobs away from Americans – in fact, employers are desperate for workers in some sectors such as the hospitality and agriculture industries.  Rather than keep them out, we should be letting them in with open arms.  That’s who were are as people.  We have empathy for the plight of other people, and always have.  We are not a narcissistic psychopathic nation.  We are not a nation all about me, me, me, or the Trump brand.  We are a nation of immigrants and Trump is a chump.

 

Fast and Loud Review

Likely neither fast nor loud – picture courtesy of Ribbie on assignment in Montevideo

I don’t watch a lot of TV, and when I do, I typically watch something political like the Rachel Maddow Show – she’s good – reruns of M*A*S*H or The Twilight Zone AND car  shows.  Yes, car shows, even the auctions.  I don’t quite know the attraction really.  I like cars, but am not a collector or anything and drive an underpowered, economical Honda Fit, but I once owned a muscle car, or I should say my parents did – a 1976 Camaro that they bought off the showroom floor at the Cliff Peck dealership in Little Rock, Arkansas.  It was their car until it became mine.  It’s life ended tragically in Denton, Texas in the year of 1986 when a pickup rear ended it at a stop sign, reducing the Camaro to an accordion.  Fortunately, neither me, nor my passenger were seriously injured.  The driver of the pickup was unharmed too and in fact, his pickup suffered barely a scratch.  Actually, what I like more than muscle cars are roadsters.  I don’t have one now, nor have I ever owned one, but my dad once had a 1973 MG Midget and it was with this car that I learned to drive a stick, a skill that I fear is as  foreign to most U.S. Millenials as a self-driving car would have been to me in 1976.  What does any of this have to do with the show Fast and Loud?  The MG nothing – but the Camaro, ah, the Camaro – the crew of Fast and Loud operating out of Gas Monkey Garage (GMG) has featured several and “equivalent” Pontiac Firebirds which I think made me long for the days when I myself drove a muscle car.

I started watching Fast and Loud from the beginning, back when the Gas Monkey Garage worked out of a small workshop, as the Brits from Wheeler Dealers would say.  I remember some of the original “monkeys” like Jordan and Tom, both of whom were later fired during the famous Firebird build.  But of course the stars and founders of GMG make the show watchable and popular. Richard Rawlings, the tall and skinny slicked back hair, goatee wearing owner of GMG, a car aficionado, racer, and businessman who built and expanded the GMG brand, snd who finds cars, and flips them. And then there’s Aaron Kaufman, chief Gas Monkey mechanic, nicknamed the bearded wonder, who repairs and tricks the cars out, often with a newer more powerful engine, a lowered stance and a stunning paint job by former paint master Kasey, who sadly also left the show several seasons ago.  Too bad because he was a funny character and perhaps the chief burnout king.  And then there’s Sue, GMG’s go-to upholsterer on their “junk” cars, as she calls them.  She is notoriously cranky and combative with a sharp tongue to put the “ass monkeys” in their places.  They bicker with her and the banter is always entertaining, which comes off as authentic reality show stuff, but may be a little bit scripted, as most reality shows are.  The other two characters of note are Dennis Collins, who owns a Jeep dealership, or something along those lines, and is Richard’s business partner with much deeper pockets.  They are always finding  valuable cars in a someone’s garage or barn and flipping them for big money – cars like rare Mustangs, a ’63 split window Corvette and the first two Firebirds ever produced.  And occasionally, golden opportunities drop into their laps like that wrecked Ferrari that Aaron restored and Dennis bought in the end.

I like the premise of the show which is a formula for success. Find car.  Flip it right away  or fix/modify (with drama during the build between the “monkeys”) to sell or auction off, often at no reserve.  Sometimes GMG makes money, and sometimes they don’t.  You never know.  The show has been successful with the core cast of Richard, Dennis, Sue, Aaron, and office assistant Christie.  The “lesser” monkeys work in the background and are not that interesting as personalities, but obviously do good work on the cars.  Now with Aaron leaving the show, I’m not sure it will ever be as good.  A self-taught mechanic with wild ideas, Aaron comes off as a brilliant wizard.  He and Richard often clash over the builds – for example over a design element or the budget for a project, but in the end, despite Richard’s doubts and anxieties, Aaron always gets the job done. However, it seems that ever since Richard hired a project manager, Jason Acker, for the Firebird build, Aaron may have been feeling less appreciated.  And whether this is true or not, I think Aaron is simply a car guy and not attracted to the marketing side of the business. He has never seemed too enthusiastic about GMG Bar N’ Grill or Gas Monkey Tequila.  He doesn’t even drink.  So the question becomes, will people still watch the show without Aaron?  Will the missing bearded wizard mechanic, the hipster, self-taught professor of mechanical engineering spell the end of the GMG reality show?

As much as I like Aaron, I do think the show will not only survive, but continue to be popular without the bearded wonder.  Here’s the thing, “King” Richard has star quality.  He’s cocky, but personable, a risk-taker, and a saavy businessman who knows the automobile AND entertainment industry.  Of all the car shows on Velocity, he probably has the most star quality, or star presence of any of the other leading personalities on the network, which includes guys like Mike and Edd of Wheeler Dealers, Wayne of  Chasing Classic Cars, Chip Foose of Overhaulin’, David Grainger of Restoration Garage, Joe Martin of Iron Restoration, and Bruno of Garage Squad.  The only other guys who come close would be Jay Leno, but his show, Jay Leno’s Garage, is an Internet show and not part of the Velocity lineup, and Danny of Counting Cars on the History Channel.

I wish Fast and Loud the best of luck in the future. It is a show that I like to watch to just chill out and wind down. It doesn’t require me to think or anything – and I can just put my brain on autopilot and strap in for the fast and loud ride.

What’s this I hear about Last in Space?

I was trying to read the lineup of shows on TV from the menu of our cable service without my glasses.  I felt like I was taking one of those vision tests.  I proudly boasted that I could read a blurry row near the bottom of the chart and when called upon to do so, mumbled out random letters and numbers with the word possibly thrown in only to have the doctor request that I try to read again but this time three rows up.

As I squinted at the TV program menu, I thought the networks and stations had just gone live with their new lineup of shows, some that sounded intriguing.  I don’t watch much TV generally, but these new shows had me dreaming of early retirement:

Crimea Minds

This must be a Russian version of CSI.

Family Fraud

They are all unrelated, as it turns out.

The Big Bong

With the legalization of marijuana, this new series comes as no surprise.

Mushroomers

I guess Moonshiners has run its course.

Fiends

This sarcastic comedy is about a group of hateful friends.

Monsters in my Barn

Garage Squid

This might be a spinoff of Monsters in my Barn or one of those shows like Gator Boys.

New Grill

I toggled down quickly as I figured this was an addictive infomercial about a revolutionary grill.

American Mustard

America can do mustard too just as good as the French.

Imperial Lockers

I thought this might be something like an SNL spoof on Impractical Jokers but then again it could be about what the rich and famous store in lockers in train stations throughout Europe.

Morning Joke

I imagine this one to be morning political comedy, not unlike Morning Joe.

Miami, Nice!

…until it gets too hot.

The Last Squid

Based on The Twilight Zone pilot, “Where is Everybody?”

Last In Space

Trump might do better to start a space race, rather than a nuclear arms race.

Radiator

Make sure the kids are in bed as this steamy series is sure to carry an MA rating.

Anderson Copper 300

If I had to guess, I would say this is a 5-hour infomercial for a new compression product.

Chicago Tire

This reality shoe about a tire shop in the windy city is sure to be a big hit.

Last Squid Standing

If I had to hazard a guess, I would go with a deep sea, outwit, outlast, survival show with host Squidward from SpongeBob SquarePants.

Little Horse on the Prairie

A homesteader with a pony tries to live the American dream but finds life on the range depressingly difficult.

As Roseanne Roseannadanna might have said, “What’s this I hear about Deep Fried Monsters? Oh, Deep Fried Masters? Nevermind.”

Better TV Show Titles

My eyesight has become somewhat suspect of late.  I have reading glasses, but really need reading glasses for longer distances.  I can’t see all the letters as I surf through the televised TV guide channel of our local cable provider.  I don’t watch much TV anyway and am unfamiliar with many of the newer shows now on TV, and as my eyesight has gotten worse, I find myself making mistakes about the actual titles of the shows, many I have since learned have been cancelled for the upcoming 2015 session.  I actually think my mistaken titles have much greater appeal and really should have been field tested prior to the airing of the shows.

Here’s a partial list of the tricks my eyes have played on me and a synopsis of what the shows might have been about:

• Boardwalk Empire (HBO) – Boardwalk Vampire.  I’d almost watch that show.
• Bad Judge (NBC) – Rad Judge.  We have enough bad judges as it is.  We need more rad judges.  I don’t know whether President Obama will get another pick or have his pick confirmed if he does, but why not a rad pick, or a pick from the people in a national contest?  Anyone could enter – a college debater, a high school civics teacher, a grandmother, a comedian like Stephen Colbert or a celebrity like Matt Damon or Natalie Portman.  I’d maybe vote for a classical conductor like Michael Tilson Thomas or say the cellist Yo Yo Ma. Maybe Gordon Ramsey could host it.  I don’t think the Senate would dare not confirm America’s choice.
• Cougar Town (TBS) Well, I read it as Cougar Down.  I’m intrigued by the cougar.  It was my junior high school mascot and there had been many sightings of them in the woods behind the McCain Mall when I was growing up. I’m not for killing cats though so the show could be based on tranquilizing them and moving them to some preserve out of harms way.
• Gracepoint (Fox) What about a show called Grapefruit? At least everyone knows what a grapefruit is. Who has ever heard of a gracepoint?
• Hemlock Grove (Netflix) After House of Cards, this is a disappointing dud. So I renamed it Heimlich Groove, a sort of rescue dance. Interesting, right?  I’d watch it.
• Hot in Cleveland (TV Land).  Not in Cleveland would be better.
• The Bridge (FX). Boring.  The Fridge is what I saw and would prefer to watch.  It’d be based on what goes on behind closed refrigerator doors, when the food comes to life.  You’d be surprised by all the rivalries. Coconut and almond milk are mortal foes.  Eggs and endive have never warmed to the other. And one simply has to separate Finlandia swiss and Stilton blue cheese.  Just the other day the Finlandia called out the Stilton for not wearing deodorant and the Stilton responded by lobbing several cherry tomatoes that bloodied the Swiss calling it a “hollier than thou fraud.”

Snakehead Fish On in Central Park

I’ve subscribed to some free newsfeeds – Yahoo, NY Times, BBC News and a few others and when I run across an item that intrigues me, I star it for future reference.  Excluding Syria and the latest developments in the Boston Marathon bombing, last week was a fairly slow news week and if I were in charge of headlines at a major newspaper, here’s what I would run:  Snakeheads of Central Park.  Other stories on the front page would be Horsemeat Plant in New Mexico and Boraxo beats Bounty to clean up spills, more on this later.

If you’ve ever been fishing in Central Park, you might have caught a few bass, maybe a crappie or two, but it is said that a fish that looks like a snake and has a two rows of razor sharp teeth instead of fangs inhabits the waters of the Harlem Meer.  The locals call it Fishzilla and by all accounts it is a predator like no other and will eat anything in its path, including (perhaps) fishermen?  A native of the freshwaters of Korea, Russia and China, the snakehead is considered an invasive species in American waters.   It may be an urban myth, but some say Fishzilla can live under ice and maybe in ice, and on land for days on end.  As reported by Marc Santora and Vivian Yee in the New York Times, a fisherman, when asked what he would do if he caught one said, “RUN”.

I hear snakehead are good eating – somewhat of a delicacy in some parts of the world.  I bet you could make some “killer” split pea snakehead soup or maybe some Fishzilla balls seasoned in Cajon spices, battered and deep fried in peanut oil, like the gar balls featured on the Animal Planet show, Swamp’d.  I’d fry one up and serve as snakehead fish-n-chips.  Kids would probably love fishzilla sticks.

Related articles

• ‘Fishzilla’ invading New York ponds (wptv.com)
• Northern Snakehead ‘Frankenfish’ [VIDEO] – Invasive Species Being Hunted In Central Park’s Harlem Meer (latinospost.com)
• City Room: Snakehead Fish Reported in Harlem Meer in Central Park (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)
• Central Park: ‘Fishzilla’ Search Underway by Authorities (theepochtimes.com)
• Fearsome ‘Fishzilla’ invades Central Park (thetimes.co.uk)

Snake Menu

I don’t much like snakes, but I am fascinated by them and enjoy watching some of the snake and reptile handlers on TV shows like Austin Stevens Snakemaster, Rattlesnake Nation, Swamp Wars, Swamp People, Gator Boys, and Wild Things with Dominic Managhan. Growing up in a rural state with swamps and lakes and backwoods a plenty, I have seen a fair number of venomous snakes including water moccasins and copperheads but never had any desire to catch, kill or eat one.  However, some folks do prize snakes for their lean protein and chicken-like taste and in Hong Kong, snake soup is a staple but may soon be unavailable and not for the reasons you may think.  There are no shortages of snake.

Snake wrangling is an ancient art passed down through the generations in Hong Kong, but this practice has practically come to a halt as fewer and fewer people show interest in working with venomous snakes. After all, who wants to be blinded by a spitting cobra or painfully bitten and envenomated with toxins that rot away flesh, destroy tissue and shut down vital organs.  By the way, what organs aren’t vital? I don’t know about you, but I rather think all my organs are vital.  The old snake masters claim that the dangers are overstated once you rip out the fangs of the snakes.  Not only does someone have to catch the snake, but the fangs have to be removed and it is the art of fang removal which must have many of the younger generation spooked.  Now you may be asking why not just cut the head off, but I guess they want to keep the snakes alive to preserve their freshness and I suppose, though cruel, a snake can live without its fangs just as a cat can live without claws.  And de-fanging a snake makes it much safer for the chefs to handle.

I’ve never eaten snake, but I suppose I could in a survival situation.  And while I’ve never seen snake on a menu of a U.S. restaurant, I would guess you could find grilled or barbecue rattlesnake in places like Arizona.  If I were a culinary consultant to a start-up restaurateur who wanted to specialize in snakes, here’s what I would suggest for the menu.

Breakfast:  Scrambled Snake Eggs and Blood Python Sausages with Electric Eel Oatmeal, and a cup of Red Coffee Snake

Top Gear UK reviewed

English: The BBC Top Gear presenting team of , and . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had never heard of the show before, not even the American version on the History channel, which incidentally, is now in its third year.  Top Gear UK, the original series has been on the air for some 17 years in the UK and other parts of Europe presumably, and it wasn’t until I stumbled across the show one day clicking around on the cable box that I saw a bit of an episode for the first time.  It was on the BBC channel which I didn’t even know I had, which might explain why I had never seen the show.  I might have just passed it by, but there was something about the scene that caught my attention.  There was some British bloke talking about a Chevy that many stars had driven that he could not sell.  He was driving it to some industrial site where it was to be given a proper Viking burial.  He parked it between two smokestacks and proceeded to blow it up with explosives.  The smokestacks collapsed onto the car simply flattening it, but not completely covering it as its nose stuck out.  This Brit was not impressed by the demolition and thought it a travesty that the car had not received a proper burial.  I thought the whole bit was pretty interesting, so I stuck around to watch the next part of the show, something about a celebrity barbecue to christen a new “reasonably priced car”, which turned out to be a KIA Cee’d, “the only car in the world with an apostrophe in its name”, said co-host, Jeremy Clarkson.  This too sounded intriguing.  Well, no stars appeared, not even Angelina Jolie or Johnny Dep who had been invited twice.  Only random people from the BBC showed up to do laps around a race track in a cheap Korean car with an apostrophe in its name, whilst Hammond, the short co-host who had blown up the Chevy earlier and who looks like Davy Jones of the Monkees horsed around and burned the barbecue sausages and the cauliflower Clarkson had brought for vegetarians.  I don’t think I watched any more of the show after that, tiring of the theatrics, but it was a good laugh.

Fast forward to several weeks later and I found myself on Netflix and once again I randomly stumbled across the show, this time the first 17 series of Top Gear UK.  Curious, and remembering that the first episode I had seen, which was Series 15, episode 1, I started watching random episodes and found myself quite addicted to the show.   If you like cars, super cars, British humor, and the British way with words, you’ll love the show.

Here’s a typical show:

• 3 presenters (co-hosts) Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May
• A live audience
• Lots of silly banter
• New cars, mostly European ones, in the news with reviews of select cars
• Lots of witty banter
• Clips from test drives of select cars including super cars
• Live interview with a celebrity
• Clip of celebrity going around a track in a “reasonably price car”
• A road trip with a wacky challenge
• Lots of witty banter and pranks
• Wrap-Up

And it works, it really does.  First of all, the chemistry between the presenters is spot-on, as the Brits would say.  They are genuinely funny and even funnier together.  Jeremy is probably the sharpest wit of the lot, and arguably the bully of the bunch.  Hammond, whom they call the hamster because of his size, seems always amazed, or astounded at one thing or another.  He’s rather more prone to hyperbole and is the only one of the three who I think you could genuinely call fearless – the guy to fire out of a cannon or drop from a 30 story building onto a stack of foam cushions.  James May is aptly called the slow one – not slow or dim witted, but slow in a car.  He’s the pessimistic one with a bit of a monotone and dreary disposition whose second nickname is Eeyore.

They describe cars dramatically as “fantastic”, “brilliant”, “magnificent”, “horrific”, “rubbish” or that it’s a “bloody hybrid”. They endlessly insult one another.  James May called Jeremy Clarkson an “apocalyptic dingleberry”, and they often call the other “stuuuupid”,  a “moron” or a “blithering idiot”.    They often “roast” the guest celebrities.  Clarkson introduced Lionel Ritchie as a man who lives in a Hollywood mansion with 17 bathrooms.

On road trips, they are prone to frat boy pranks.  Once Clarkson and Hammond rigged the horn on May’s car to go off every time he hit the brakes.   Another time, Hammond’s 70’s Land Cruiser with suspect brakes rammed into May’s Suzuki 3 wheel drive vehicle every time he needed to stop.  Clarkson “accidentally” set fire to the rag top on Hammond’s Land Cruiser which they had to put out with beer.

Their road trips are journeys that are like no other.  They’ve traveled to India to promote British products, like a self-propelled lawn mower, a travel ironing board kit and English biscuits.  They went to Albania to demolish a building with big trucks rather unsuccessfully.  They traveled through Vietnam on second hand motorbikes – Clarkson on a Vespa.  They  trekked from Florida to New Orleans in cars they bought for 1,000 U.S.  and were nearly killed by the locals they insulted when they spray painted provocative slogans on their cars like “NASCAR sucks”.

They aren’t fond of American cars and don’t seem too fond of America either.  They endlessly insult the country and the culture, but it all seems tongue in check.  They are, well Clarkson at least, Anglo centric and promote the superiority of all things British – which sometimes also sounds tongue in check.  They are each fond of super cars, none of which come from the U.S. Clarkson favors Mercedes AMG cars, Hammond the Porsche 911 and May, any Ferrari or Peugeot.   They typically review cars from Britain, Germany, France and Italy and race them around the track  somewhat non-professionally.  They leave the professional driving to the mysteriously helmeted staff race car driver they simply call the Stig.

Top Gear UK is one of the more entertaining car shows I’ve ever seen.  I’ll have to check out Top Gear USA to see how it stacks up against the original.

Related articles

• Book Review: Top Gear Top Drives (motortrend.com)
• Confirmed: Top Gear blokes starting supercar road trip across USA (autoblog.com)

RIP Andy Griffith

Andy Griffith died today and I feel like I lost a family member.  Growing up, Sheriff Andy was like a second dad, and a good friend, someone I looked to for guidance and a good laugh.  He always delivered and so did the show.  I must have seen all 249 episodes of “The Andy Griffith Show” 3 or 4 times.  I never tire of Andy, Barney, Aunt Bee, Floyd, Gomer and Goober.  And Otis and Ernest T were always welcome guests.

I don’t know exactly why I loved the show so much.  Sure it was funny, with great writing and acting.  But there was something more to it that resonated with me.  I grew up summers in rural Arkansas that had a Mayberry feel to it.  Everyone knew one another.  People honked to say hello.  Nobody locked their doors.  The Rodeo was the big thing in town, that and the yearly carnival.  For me, the big thing everyday was going to the post office, opening my grandparents combination box to retrieve their mail and then reading the wanted posters.  Those criminals looked mean and some had committed Interstate Flight, which I thought meant stealing and landing an airplane on the interstate.

Andy was the man who knew what to do, no matter the situation, always calm and clever.  He respected all the citizens of the town, even those who sometimes acted selfishly or foolishly and here I’m thinking Barney and Floyd who were “as stubborn as a body can be”. (I stole that phrase from my grandmother.)  Andy often bailed people out who got in over their heads.  On occasion, one of the characters would sport a delusional sense of self worth or ability and rather than expose his shortcomings or crush her spirits, Sheriff Taylor helped them save face.  He never acted with spite, only love.

Sheriff Andy Taylor was a man of patience, thought and integrity and though I didn’t know him personally, from what I have read, Andy Griffith was that man too.  May he RIP.

Auto Sales Up Despite “Uncertainty”, but…

The Auto Industry in the U.S. is alive and thriving, thanks in part to President Obama’s auto bailout, an improved economy and, let’s see, meals on wheels, no…cash for clunkers? no, not that either…I’m going out on a limb here but I think car shows have whetted our appetite for cars, or as the Brit Mike from Wheeler Dealers would say, motas.  Americans are crazy about their motors again thanks to the many TV car shows on the airwaves including Chasing Classic Cars, Mecum Auto Auctions, What’s my Car Worth (mine, not much), Desert Kings, All Girls Garage, Overhaulin’ , and West Coast Customs.  These shows glorify the car and plant the seed in our brains that we need to buy one or another.  The car products sponsors on the shows create other needs in our tiny brains for synthetic motor oils, all-weather floor mats, brighter halogen headlamps so that we can see people standing in the middle of the highway who would otherwise be invisible until it was too late, and bullet proof all-weather tires built to grip the road during a tornado.  Ok, I just made that one up.

U.S. Car Sales are up for all makes.  But one dealer says that sales would be even better if there weren’t so much uncertainty, uncertainty of who will be President in 2013.  I’m sorry, but I beg to differ with the dealer who is no doubt a Republican.  Consumers are not saying behind close doors: “because of the uncertainty honey, let’s delay the purchase of a new car until after the Presidential election.”

What difference would it make, really, who is President, except that if Mitt Romney were elected, he’d probably “roll” back all the safety and environmental regulations in place so that automakers would be once again free to pollute with impunity, and design cheap gas guzzling cars that are Unsafe At Any Speed, and really light trucks made of vinyl siding or balsa wood.

Wheeler Dealers

Wheeler Dealers.  The show is about a couple of blokes from Brighton or wherever they’re from in England who buy old cars cheaply, fix them up and resell them for a very modest profit.  The show is a little like Wrecks to Riches and Desert Car Kings but with an accent.  Interesting accents at that.  Ed China, the 6’10 mechanic sounds like a proper mechanical engineer with a academic vocabulary and just the slightest of accents.  Mike, has a much grittier accent and is frankly, barely intelligible.  They pepper their speech with the oddest British vocabulary – saying things like, “it’s looking a bit tatty”.  “We’ll have that interiour looking smart in no time…just need a few more bits for the exteriour.”  They call the cars motors, and you’ll hear Mike saying, “that’s ‘quite the crackin mota,  just need to have the dings in the bonnet touched up and the dodgy engine sorted.”  Sorted seems to be Ed’s favourite word.

Have you noticed that poor Ed rarely leaves the garage or workshop as they call it, until Mike pulls up and honks with a new project. I’m left to wonder whether he can safely drive those small European cars with his nearly 7 foot frame.

As  Mike Brewer says at the end of the show, tarra, or ta da, or is it telah or salah?  As we say in my neck of the woods – whatehva.