Numbered Lakes an E-book

JP Pond

I finally finished and published Numbered Lakes as an e-book.  Check it out, won’t you?  For details, see the Numbered Lakes tab on this website or follow the link below to  preview on Amazon.

Numbered Lakes Preview


Post Election Nightmare

A winner had not yet been declared by the time I fell asleep.  I woke up early the next day, turned on the TV and was a little surprised that it was tuned to Fox News.  I don’t watch Fox News.  I’ve blocked the channel.  But there it was.  I flipped around and it was on every channel.  I rubbed my eyes, thinking I must be having a bad dream, but I couldn’t shake the nightmare, or morningmare as it were.  I started to feel really panicky.  I turned on the radio which I have set to the NPR affiliate, but there was no Morning Edition.  Instead, Rush Limbaugh was yelling something.  I hit the next preset, Mix 98 and it was Glenn Beck digging his fingernails into his chalkboard.  The next preset, Rock Classics 101 was in the middle of a Kid Rock, Ted Nugent marathon.  NOOOOOOO!  I threw my high tech radio against the wall and it cracked open oozing mercury that settled in a pool on my hardwood floor.  I freaked and called 911.  The operator who sounded like Sarah Palin asked me “what’s your emergency?”  I said, “mercury spill, hurry!” To which she replied, “I’m sorry, you should take personal responsibility for your own life” and hung up. Already, my cat was pawing the pooled beads of toxic heavy metal.  What’s that smell?  Something was burning.  I raced outside to find a an angry mob burning copies of Darwin’s The Origin of Species, and Carl Sagan’s Cosmos.  I’ve got to wake up.  This can’t be happening.

The Collision of Random Thoughts

Here are some random thoughts, probably in isolation, insufficiently substantial as a post, but together could yield something profoundly interesting and thought provoking…or not.

Random thought 1:  To deter speeders, why don’t cops park disabled squad cars in strategic locations on the highway or busy roads with uniformed dummies pointing radar guns (made of clay) out the windows.   That’d slow me down.

Random thought 2:  A student driver car should have one of those messages on the back with a phone number that says: How am I driving?

Random thought 3: Why is it necessary for a city bus to have a message on the back that says – Caution: This bus makes frequent stops.  

Random thought 4.  What about a city bus with a message that says: Student dummy driver makes frequent stops.  How am I driving?

Random thought 5.  What about a bus at a bus stop with a student dummy driver pointing a radar gun out the window with a message that says – Bus makes frequent stops and is frequently stopped.  Without thinking, you get on, flash your bus pass  and are greeted by a recording that says, “take a seat mister” or “lady” as the case may be.

Random thought 6.  What if the bus does not move and the dummy refuses to let you off.  You place an emergency call and a uniformed dummy shows up and tells you to surrender.  You say, “what?”  The next thing you know, you’re in a jail full of animated characters who speak with a Brooklyn accent from the 50’s.  One says to you, “What’s the frequency bub?”  And you say, “I’m not bub, my name is Kenneth”. And then you notice Gumby and Pokey doppelgangers whimpering on a bench.  Something catches your eye.  You can just barely make it out.  As your eyes focus, behind a glass wall, you see two crash test dummies smoking Winston cigarettes grilling a frightened Mr. Bill like character (his third uncle I was later told) mouthing what looked to be the word, “hootenanny”.


Mad Cows

Mad Cow Disease is back  and I’m not surprised.  I have to believe it’s some kind of bovine revenge for the Pink Slime scandal.  Those hefers and holsteins have had enough.  They have not responded well to therapy and whole herds appear engaged in some sort of mass protest – something about fair trade, pink eye, antibiotics and voting.  Strays have been found greeting customers in Walmart parking lots with incoherent moos, reeking of hand sanitizer.

Where all this will lead is anyone’s guess, but if cows get the right to vote, I think the Democrats will easily take the 2012 elections.