Final Four Mascot Upgrades

I usually don’t write about sports, but I could write exclusively about sports and have virtually written nothing but posts about college hoops during March Madness.  But now it’s April, and time for the Final Four and a new name for the event.  Let’s christen it April Hoopla or something. And now that that is out of the way, I have to say something about the mascots of the Final Four teams.  If you’ve been following any of my posts, you will know that I have proposed some new names for the team mascots:

I like the Shockers of Wichita and the fact that it refers to a grain, but I prefer the Wichita State Linemen after almost native son Glen Campbell’s classic tune “Wichita Lineman”.  It’s odd, but I can’t say the name of the team without first saying As Falls Wichita, so Falls Wichita Falls after the great Pat Metheny Group album.  Therefore, I’ve renamed the entire team who will be referred to henceforth as As Falls Wichita, So Falls Wichita Falls Linemen. And the linemen may very well fall to Louisville.

Louisville.  Which Louis anyway?  King Louis?  Louis Armstrong? It’s all so confusing.  And the Cardinal.  Is it a color, a bird, the member of the Catholic clergy? Also confusing.  So let’s get rid of the bird, or whatever it is and replace with a more concrete cultural reference.  Now Kentucky has a lot of horses, booze and caves, right?  I was thinking to call them either the jockeys, the bourbons, the bootleggers or the spelunkers.  For me, Spelunkers has the best ring.  Louisville Spelunkers.

Michigan is a fishing state.  No one even knows what a wolverine is.  I had to look it up and no it’s not a baby wolf – it’s in fact a weasel.  Michigan, you are better than that.  You could be a sturgeon or a muskie.  I like the sound of muskie better.  Michigan Muskies.

Syracuse.  The Orange is lame as is mascot Otto the Orange, great grandson of the Mr. Kool-Aid man. I’m just going to give the mascot an upgrade from Orange to Blood Orange.  The Syracuse Blood Orange.  A Muskie vs. a Blood Orange – now that should be one fierce battle!

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