NCAA Tournament Teams Mascot Upgrades

So I was thinking that some of the NCAA teams in the tourney have the wrong nickname or mascot.  I mean Memphis Tigers.  There are no tigers in Memphis – maybe some stray cats and a few cool cats, and some fat cats, but no big cats.  I think they should  be the Memphis Ribs.  I have some other suggestions too for Mascot upgrades.  Here’s a sampling:

• Arizona Wildcats.  No, that’s wrong.  Arizona is a wild place, so let’s call them Gunslingers or Tumbleweeds.  Arizona Tumbleweeds, yes, that’s better.

• Gonzaga Bulldogs.  That’s just lame.  Gonzaga is in Washington, right.  What comes to mind? Certainly not dogs.  When I think of Washington, I think wine.  So let’s call ’em Vintners, no Winers.  Gonzaga Winers.

• Wichita State Shockers.  What is a shocker anyway?  Well, it’s a stalk of wheat. A stalk of wheat for a mascot?  That’s ridiculous.  How about Wichita State Linemen, in honor of the men who brought modern communication to the state and the man who performed the great song, Wichita Lineman, who was an Arkansan, not a Kansan…but close enough.

• I don’t associate Duke with the Blue Devil.  For me, it calls to mind the classic album Duke, by Genesis.  And when I think of North Carolina, a place I’ve never been, I think of Mayberry, Andy Griffith and Otis the town drunk, who was fond of moonshine.  So that’s it, Duke Moonshiners.  And you know, Winers and the Moonshiners could meet in the Final Four; they could.

• The Michigan teams are totally misrepresented by their mascots. Michigan of Great Lakes fame should be associated with fishing, so why not the Anglers? No, better still, the mighty Sturgeon.  It’s settled, Michigan Sturgeon.  So to continue with the fishing theme, I pronounce Michigan State the Muskies.

• Indiana Hoosiers.  Well, it’s good, but Granfalloons would be much better.  Indiana Granfalloons, and Kurt Vonnegut  fans, you know exactly what I am talking about.

• Others – Harvard Elitists, Illinois Carp, (or Crappie – when they play badly), Butler Stewards or Majordomos, Miami Vice (I couldn’t resist), California Dreamers, Creigton Barrels, Oregon Vegans and Colorado State Stoners.