Moderator: As you may have noticed, climate change is all around us – drought, extreme weather, the melting of the polar ice caps, rising sea levels to name but a few examples. As president, how would you reverse this alarming truth.
MITT: I’m not personally responsible for it, as you know, but it’s no surprise that government regulations of the Obama administration have not helped. What we need are fewer regulations, more drilling, fracking and that sort of thing. As to drought and floods, hurricanes and the like, well I say take responsibility for yourself. Move to higher ground. Go to Michigan, they have beautiful trees, just the right height and the lakes, I love them, not just those Great ones either, why I love the little inland lakes that dot the interior…and cars, did I mention I love cars, my dad…
Moderator: Governor you time is up. President Obama.
President Obama: Clearly Mitt doesn’t take the danger seriously. Climate change is no joke. And if he really believes we can frack our way to reverse the trend of global warming or else just move to Michigan, he’s unfit to be President. Unfitt Mitt.
Moderator: Governor, you were heard telling a crowd at a fundraiser that the 47% of people who don’t pay federal income taxes should take personal responsibility for their lives and in effect stop free loading off the government. Should the government stop supporting the poor, disabled, unemployed, the homeless, the frail and elderly?
Mitt: As I’ve said, I’m not going to worry about them, they have the safety net. What they need are jobs. Wal-Mart is always looking for greeters, you know the ones with all the buttons on their aprons, I just love those buttons, and the burger sandwich establishment has a reputation of hiring the needy and indigent to sweep floors and so forth. And I’m always looking for some good help to iron my jeans – I like a good stiff denim pant (my cool look) with a clean crease. I could use a shoe shine guy too. See, I’m a job creator.
President Obama: I’m the President of the 100% of Americans and if the GOP would stop blocking my jobs bills, and stop trying to crush the unions, we’d have more people working in good jobs. Governor Romney’s job plan is not a domestic jobs plan, it’s a plan to hire domestics.
Moderator: Governor, you released your tax return for 2011 and a summary of your tax returns dating back to the 90’s. You actually paid more last year than you were legally required to do so, even after you said that if you were to pay more than you owed, you would not be fit for the presidency.
Mitt: If I said that, I didn’t mean it, but I stand by what I said whatever I said.
President Obama: Well, it looks like Governor Romney is feeling a little guilty about not paying his fair share and is trying to make amends, but I would suggest he’s got a lot of amending to do.
For more debates, see:
Part I: Imaginary GOP/DEM Debate
Part II: Presidential Debate In Song