Bird Strike

The FAA issued a passenger a warning for filming a bird strike.  I didn’t know it was illegal to film a bird strike.  Maybe it interferes with their collective bargaining rights.  These organized and angry birds, like their bovine cousins the mad cows, demand justice.  And what do they want?  For starters, protection from avian flu – they’ve picketed outside the Center for Disease Control demanding a vaccine program for all creatures with beaks and wings.  Secondly, they want a full scale investigation into the death of hundreds of birds that literally fell out of the sky in Arkansas.   Third, they want an immediate end to bird hunting and have petitioned the Game and Fisheries departments in all states to stop issuing waterfowl permits to hunters.

On the local level, the flock in my backyard has launched a campaign for better seeds.  It seems that they did not appreciate the inferior sunflower seeds I put out last spring that sprouted after the first rainstorm.  I didn’t immediately replace them and instead threw out some stale bread which apparently offended the black-capped chickadees.  To take revenge, a band of woodpeckers, I think one of them was the extinct ivory-billed, pecked my favorite beech tree to death.  And a highly coordinated crew of crows swoop down on me every time I leave the house – I am a marked man.  But I’m not the only target.  The jays, both blue and their colleagues the northern cardinal, have relentlessly terrorized my cat, with their loud tweets that I assure you contain more than 140 characters.  Furthermore, to add to the psychological torture, the whippoorwill keeps me up at night with that eerily repetitive taunt. At this point, I’m ready to cave in and buy some premium seeds and maybe even some natural spring water for the bird baths.  I hear they prefer Evian.

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