Low T Red Wine

Cabernet Sauvignon grape cluster, shown by DNA...

Do you suffer from low T? Too stubborn or embarrassed to go to the doctor to ask for that testosterone deodorant, Axiron?  Are you drowning your sorrows in Kentucky bourbon or cheap American beer? Well, you may be closer to a full restoration of your manhood than you think.  A recent UK study indicates that red wine contains some sort of miracle compound that keeps the body from eliminating the T hormone so easily.  A couple of glasses of red a night should do the trick, but no chugging straight from the bottle or drinking in excess – two glasses, not two bottles. But what kind of red grape? The study didn’t go there but I will.

So, what is the manly grape? It’s probably not Merlot, or pink Zinfandel. Pinot Noir is just too delicate and light to do the trick and a good one probably costs more than hormone injections. On the other end of the spectrum are the full-bodied Italian reds – Barbaresco and Barolo.  But like the Pinot Noir a decent Barolo costs a fortune. I would recommend a heavy Cabernet Sauvignon, a spicy Shiraz or Bordeaux or Bordeaux blend. Maybe go for a Malbec. I once played the word Malbec in Scrabble, but I was challenged and it was disallowed because the grape wasn’t in the American dictionary!

Now don’t rush out to the wine store and like a brute ask which wine has the most testosterone.  Be discreet.  Choose the wine like you know what you’re doing.  If anyone asks if you need help, don’t tell them you think you might have low T, just say you’re looking for a full-bodied red in whatever price range you can afford. If you don’t know how to open a wine bottle with a cork, ask for a twist off cap, not a box wine.  You can probably find a decent Syrah with a screw cap, but steer clear of Boone’s Farm and Riunite Lambrusco.  Trust me.

One Response

  1. Well written funny and educational ;)

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